He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
this boner is exhausting
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
