I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
