We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
