Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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