Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
