i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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