Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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