You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
