Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
