the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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