i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
