So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
