just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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