i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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