I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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