Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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