I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize