I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Randomize
