My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
