can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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