Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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