six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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