id be glad to
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize