My first STD was from a foam party
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
