is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
