At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize