I'm drive I can fine osifer
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm too high and old for this...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
