I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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