Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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