he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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