I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
