I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
