it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
