I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
They have beer where we have blood.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
