Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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