I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
