Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
