moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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