Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize