Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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