I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
