Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
