bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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