I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
