we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
