this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize