i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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