White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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