omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
