That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
