did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize