I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I need water and some morals
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
