the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i came on her dog
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
