She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
