Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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