The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
