Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
