So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize