haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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