Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
