If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize