TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
