No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
