quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
