I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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