please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
