Slut skills are useful in every country.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
