Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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