oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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