I cannot find my penis.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
