i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
