Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
where are you?
Hypothermia
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
