i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
