For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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