just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
