i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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