5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
