turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
