He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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